buscar_mch

you are searching for unusual sensations
you are still looking around for a BIG emotion
like a dying tree you blindly strike roots in a soil which doesn't know the taste of water
what is this soil?
your desire?
or perhaps the curse which you are running away from?
even so...
like a maniac
you are looking for the enter inside of it
"not for me" - you think
you want something unavailable...
you want life, which everyone would desire
you hate that dependence so much
and in the same time you aim at it
you fall
what for?
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light in darkness
sun in the night
can you see it?
can you feel this is rare?
like blue colour
like a butterfly
You should absorb it like a drug
You should drink it like a wine
You should hug it like a mother hugs her baby
You should breathe in this light
to preserve
to live again
to go further

run, if you can run

to this light
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How can I not run?
How can I not miss?
How can I not dream?

or perhaps I should say:

How could I think of you like everything would be good?
How could I be so stupid and naive?
How could I stay in the past when the future is knocking?

......
......

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"enjoy the silence" - [Depeche Mode] - "words are trivial.... words are meaningless and forgettable...."
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"the promise" by tracy chapman - a song that gave me an impulse to go deep inside my soul.... a song that change my view on relationships... it's worth to wait for a big love, we have to believe it exists.... we must have that faith, because without it life is nothing more than a set of moments.... without it this run won't have any bigger sense... without it .... our soul would die like a tree without water - slow and painfully

"If you wait for me then I'll come for you
Although I've travelled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me, If you miss me once in awhile
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face, your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
Please say you'll be waiting

Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise If it's one that you can keep, I vow to come for you
If you wait for me and say you'll hold
A place for me in your heart."

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you think of support
of admiration of your activities
of confirmation of your life
your existence, however...
.... it's a joke, coincidence
set of situations
you don't depend on
relatively independent?
it's not true
you will always be addicted
to other people
and you would like to be addicted to love which means everything
but not to you
it will never be a part of you
your soul is empty

Am I waiting for a better moment? Will it happen... ever? Last Monday - birthday - You might say I could only dream of..... smile, surprise, photos, cake and wine. But without the person I would like to be there, close, saying that everything will be more simple.

So I have to search again and again ---- peace, feelings, soul (if I have a soul). Once I heard "God, if there is a God, save my soul, if I have a soul", I can't forget it.

Tracy Chapman sings: "If you wait for me, I will come for you".... ("The Promise") - but will I? Would I come? I am not so sure right now. What I am sure about is I can't live like this, it's destroying me.

Today I would be in Rome with a person, who I care about.

But I am not there.... And I won't until I will understand that there is no future for me with so many thoughts of the past.